It's been almost 2 years since i blog previously. The frustrations, the upset and pressure have since met calalmity. And I guess you could see sense that in my tone, I am a slightly more balanced psychologically.

I have seen much more and gotten epiphanies over the course of IA and also going through David Deangelo stuffs. So much have gone through my mind and thoughts in a way that i have begin to reform the reality I have around me.

I have definitely gotten over the foolish boy thought of placing the majority first and myself second. The reframe came when Dave mentioned that by helping or involving yourself too much into other people's thoughts and perceptions is extremely waste of energy and pointless. By doing this you get upset for things u cannot control. And thus to really form a strong personality or a "MAN"ness that so many boy wanna achieve and some adult males so want to have, you've got to form your own reality and stop controlling things you can't. Difference between control and controlling, to stop "leaning" implicitly psychologically. Stop that WUSS.

IA have also taught me to be congruent with yourself. What ever persona you project has to be aligned with the principles and thoughts you have. And by starting to see yourself in a confident light, you can achieve so much more. I no longer get distraught over the issue of studying whether it affects your lifestyle or social life. It is something which u balance and recognise that this is the stage you are in right here right now and make the best of it. It's really your choice to mould how you wanna imbue your lifestyle. But the main take i would have right now is that for every action there has to be some basis and weighing of economics whether monetary or time. The normal formalities sometimes do tend to cause unnecessary waste of energy and time. The clear cut, no BS route could be the very shrewd manner of dealing with anything. That's one thing i learn, that is be true to yourself. I mean really.

Really think about, dig deep, challenge your OWN thoughts and make sure you are not living life with a facial mask on. It will win you more friends (again a very good friend and confidant is a bonus, so u make friends first, and u see if the reciprocal in the bond is it something unique). By approaching socialisation in this manner, you are more open and less affected by losing friends or something along that lines. keep friends in contact in this modern age even though it hard to meet up. Steadfast thinking here is the key here and living the moment is key.

that being said, it might seem i have striaghten out many of my boyish thoughts. However, life is never a calm peaceful journey. Things will sprout up along the way. And more issues might sprung up and affect you emotionally. Another impt factor that Dave has mentioned is the issue of emotions. In a guy, there has to be some power ful ability to control emotions as and when it arises. Because emotions affects you pervasively and might become your own undoing. Thus meeting each challenge life with a steadfast mind makes you more robust in this voltile environment.

I am feeling so much more stronger in mettle and confident but not to a point of arrogance. But at least i noe i am able to prepare myself out there in the real world and i would have friends and hopefully close firends to give me a hand along the way.

For now, the prioirity wold be to graduate with flying colours. Doing the best i can and not get emotionially connected with my results. Watever the results is, it would be an experience and something u take home with whether success and failure. It is important to me now to actually understand success and failure, and discern happiness and success. For now I neeed to improve on happiness. Now where is that red thread, if you catch my drift (James Bond accent).

Phew. Finally an end of the journey within the Nueve Ranks. Freshie -> Subcomm -> Main Comm. What else? LOLz. Main comm seems much more relaxing as compared to being subcomm. It's not as fun as being freshie of course. If you ask me what is the most fun experience among the three phases? I would say: Being a freshie rox! (Although you always lose in games and arguments with seniors...)

Being the Publications Head position seems the most suited main comm role. I have no doubt about that. And true enough, its really the main comm position i should do to maximise my potential and contribution efforts.

Freshies? Erh, abit studious this year yah? LOL. Not as hyper as last year, not as extreme as my year(though i cuied half way). Looking back at the cheer all Nueve(ians) should know, "2-2 tarik ah 1-2" seems like the most juiciest gist will be yr 1(Freshie) yr 2(Sub comm) when you go for nueve camp. Year 3 onwards, you tend to lose that steam. (Zhen de shi lao liao). Sounds wrong when you "4-4 tarik ah 3-4". LOLZ!

Anywayz. As our Co-Chair Lionel Loh said, its time to move on to other things. FOC, Hall JCRC, F*** it. Learned everything that you already wanted to learn liao.

Hello my personal blog. It's been a while since i last had an entry. In fact its was nearly a year ago that i blog. Seeing the last post which is before the start of year 2 sem 1, it seems like yesterday. Anyway there has been so much happenings and enlightenements that i have gotten through the acedemic year and it has some what mellowed my character.

Speaking of time flying very fast, i remembered on the day of our last Sem 2 exam, Wei Li and i agreed that we have come such a long way of 2 acad years already. And time literally just flew past us. We agreed that time flew, and comparing to the army it was so much different in relative speed of time. Army we were suffering, but in uni we are suffering in a different way. However, the activities we go through are not mundane, and so its time well spent which is the difference here.

The start of year 2 was totaly blew away and crunch time for almost everyone. We had to deal with a highly difficult subject which was Fluid Mechanics. I believe many of us were so stressed up, we literally had no time to even talk among ourselves. I guess the only time is hte lab sessions that allowed us to talk.

The recent sem 2 was similarly tough as we had Thermodynamics to juggle along with computing and bio mechanics. The personal time we could squeeze out of our schedules was literally non-existent. That we had literally had no time to pause and catch a breather.

I must admit that everyone is so busy with themselves, we tend to neglect those around us whether its friends or family. My mood swings were almost rocked countless times that it affected my sleep and appetite. For once i bumped into Glowy and Ryan, and Glowy said i really lok more haggard and skinny. I am already skinny and now wat, i am even skinnier? Gosh, its either me or its others' perception. I think i must have push myself to the limit such that i totally oblivious to things happening around me. I am totally disgusted with myself for cacooning myself for the past academic year. Now i know stress is something which must not come to a point that it affects your normal lifestyle. I am repeating the same mistake again. I feel extremely guilty for not fulfilling the social expectations that i have set for myself. I am really beginning to wonder is this how i am? Am i driven to think base on circumstances and react there and then and not consider the human factor? I have yet to find the problem.

I am just ashame. I hope i have not cause any misunderstandings or frustrations among my clique.

With regards to my previous statement, its kinda of amusing to see that. I remmeber once Wee Chiew told me that i am have too much of a councilor character. I worry so much about the people around me instead of myself. But i rebutted saying i don't feel that i put so much effort in placing my worry. She even advised me to think more about yourself. It seems nice to have a person or two to remind you such things whereby you kinda of overdo it and someone is there to pull right back up to your proper placement.

Speaking of which, i was dumbfounded myself when i found out that i was putting all my energy and drive in fulfilling my academics. I know many would say its normal, but then at the expense of my social life and perhaps hobby? Is this what it was suppose to be? The next question is, why are "trying so hard"? What are you working towards? I may say that its career but then many have said since when academics translated into a career path that you desire?Its merely one of the ways not one and only way. In a nutshell, its never a definitive. In a abstract manner, you are trying to protect what have you cumulated. But is this the right perception? shouldnt you see it as trying hard to make the best of it rather then protecting what you already gain?

Though this might sound stupid but i find it was quite aptly put in a JAp Anime before whereby war has to be fiercely fought in order to protect future, correct the present and avenge the past. But this is a myopic view. Its akin to you being just a soldier following orders and not questioning the reason behind it. In fact, i believe some are enslave to this mode. And in order to put up a fierce fight, one must have power and ability. But, it is apparent that more power begets more power we thirst. Enlightenment: Set your sights further, put up a fight when you feel u need to put things right. Keep your friends close and garner support in whatever you do.

2008, spelt quite a number of failures. I dunno wat have gotten into me. But one way or another, i felt i wasnt putting in my best and i faced a near "falling behind expectations" situation. I hope i manage to get back into the tempo. IBN's intership spelt a failure and i was totally upset by it. However, giving some thought to it, KK did say something worth thinking about, there is no point brooding over it and letting it affect you. I agree since in future i probably see more of this happening to me. I have to get use to failure.

Then came the question of the future, what future do i have? Judging from the industry now, Bioengineers are kinda of not in demand now. What is the point of persevering when u see no future? Indeed i got troubled by it. But again, i manage to see the light, its not about what future there is, but rather what future you want to build base on your current situation.

Glowy's nick summarises the entire experience i went through concisely which is :"emotionally volatile". IT is obvious everything has been revolving round the emotions i felt the entire time. Right now i am in a need of some who is good with advising but i can't seem to find a suitable confidant. When will the person show up? I have no idea...

I would not say that i have seen clearere picture, because i wanna hear from someone the above enlightenement to be acceptable in order to ensure the perception is correct.

The internet is a wild forest and any info can be snag out and stranger know everything about you. Thus i will speak only in ambiguity and stop pictures uploading to my blogs except my galleries. I feel like such and idiot. ERGH.

Week in Week out...


I am totally distraught for the past two weeks. I hate to think by myself all the problems i face and keeps me going on and on in my mind. Resulting in insomnia.

There is 24 hours in a day and i have so much packed into my schedule. Enough. i dun think i wanna do a entire acad year of Main Comm post. Luckily Stanley told me the Publication Head for Nueve 2008 is open. I think such main comm will be ok since its ad hoc committee as compared to a long term CCA main comm. I have decided not to run for Asst Hon Gen for PVS since judging from my homework, life and responsibilities. I guess i cannot handle so many things at one go if not i cannot focus.

I decide to make a closure.

To her: well i guess we are totally opposite of each other. You have your stuffs to do week in week out even during your free time. While i am trying to find as much free time as i have within my fixed time. And i dunno wat made you lose faith in a relationship. What i can say is if its locked, its locked. You need someone to help you open that dead lock. Its the only way. And for thou it shall be impossible for me to be that someone. I am not as confident as i appeared to be. Deep down inside, i have lost my footing. I can't stand on my own two feet. All that i can ever hope for is the arrival of someone who can reform me. All the hope that i see in you is just a shadow.

Andrew - From Greek, "strongly, manly and courageous". How different from what i am. I guess i nvr could be wat my name define. I think antonyms of the description would be a more closer match to my actual self.

MY mind is whirring right now and i cannot think rationally. Friends, give me some time to reorganise myself and you will see the "correct" Andrew which you all would have known. I apologise for everything.

The Thing About portrayals of human relationships

Wonder why am i blogging in such a chim manner at such a wee hours of the morning. Maybe i just have too much thoughts and self reflection that i have to pen something down to take some load off my own chest. Its been 3 weeks after school have reopen its doors. And everytime i walked down the spines academic complexes, i m bound to meet a friend or two.

I found out that my contact list is super huge and there is a friend or two in any part of Singapore, uni. Then i self reflect and thought to myself: " Hmm, looks like i do not really have a best buddy/confidant/noe-all-abt-me bestest friend. I am highly people orientated and my i never stop to get to know people and my friend's list just keep cumulating. Good or bad one may ask. I see it as its has both sides to it. One thing you are super in connected with so many friends. the other you dun really have a confidant to talked to by having too much "friend" commitment becos you only have that much social capacity that you posess. It kinda of like you have hi-bye friends.

Speaking of which i think the more closer people i can get to would be coursemates since we see each other everyday. 5 days a week. Let's hope the bonds among my clique gets closer even though everyone is super busy at their own commitments. Shawn has his Salsa to worry about and i can see him starting to stretched like a rubber band, Wei Li has his super busy always Investment Interactive club to worry since he is director. JX, well i guess busy commitment to social responsibilities, work and basket ball (tsk, rumour has it, he is going out with females). Almost every other day can hear JX saying he is meeting friends, Dong Ni, she and her new found relationship (wonder if i termed it correctly) which seems like a rocky start but it gets better as time goes, Pei Yun, nothing much as usual(oops), Samuel again he is at his muggin peak, Xiao Tian is also feeling the pressures of this sems studies and she look very haggard and discourage, Iris is doing great i guess as i could still get a few smiles from her here and there.

1 yr of being classmates, and the situation changes so drastically.

Speaking of which, i am also reflecting on the yeah you noe wat relationships between a gal and a guy. Looking at Dong Ni's case, i realised that to make a relationship work, there is this element of "compellation" to stay as an item. In this case i guess its like effort of both parties such a way that they try to make relationships work. But on the otherhand you are placing strain on it too which i guess might be a dysfuntionallity that will be inherent as the relationship builds up.
Yes many say that it can be very simple. There is no need to make so many compromises resulting in a restrictive relationship. I think in my POV, the important thing is that you are comfortable, transparent and feel "shu fu" when you are with the other half. He/She might not just be yet the BF - GF thing. but that i guess should be the first cirteria to look out for. And thats it.

You might be expecting that i go on and on with the reamining on how to make it simple, but i won't. Why? Cos the rest will just fall implace IF there is proper handling of the relationship and communication. And naturally humans starts accepting people for who they are and how they think by means of empathy and understanding. Its that simple. there are no critical or comprehehnsive analysis and case studies for you to do the above simple things. It comes naturally. The only thing to do is to have more contact time and i guess it should go ok and the path is more smooth sailing.

So having thinking a lot lately, i won't leave it to fate, nor will i earnestly go all out and compel myself to "hold on" on a potential. I think i should get to know people better which is a more better starting stone......

IVorbidden city. Thats the catch phrase for hall camp. Man was i impress with the coming up with the name. Apparently felt a little detached from hall thus was just on the notion of going to snap shots for hall. But apparently they are superbly well staffed and equipped. Ryan was nice enough to jio me into his group as senior attached. Alex was welcoming too. (Thanx! Brudders!) Na Fang pang seh Ryan's group. (How could you! All your buddies are in Han Chao!) Anyway the camp went great. And i really enjoyed it as a senior though. I missed out all the fun as i did not attend hall camp last year. How sad...... Well unfortunate things happen last year. So yah.

Mom had an eye infection last year and i had to stay home to look after her and also prevent the risk of spreading since i am a carrier.

The group freshies were great and fun. The events lined up was even better! Dragon boating, Hokkien debate, some of which i nvr seen in any other camps in school. Overall i had lotsa of fun for the last week of the school holidays. 3 mths just flew and now we are back into the campus study mode. How sad...

Anyway i wished for a hall to stay but i think itsk inda of impossible.

To all Han Chao freshies: You guys rock the hall camp and you were fantastic! Thanx for the gifts! And erm nice meeting and talking to you guys and gals!!! I loved your skit~.

To the counsellors: You guys are very committed bunch! Applaud your effort.

Fellow SAs: Nice kknowing you guys further even though i saw you guys during year 1. Felt that i missed out a lot of stuff last year nice of you guys to share with me your expereinces. And also providing the company for the 5 days.

"I love you, you love me, we are happy family with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too~~~~~~~~!" Han Chao!

Time and Space........

Whoa... Nice shot huh. Stanley my coursemate / Photo outing fellow shot it while i was looking at my pics on my DSLR. When i look at the shot. It kinda of set me thinking:" Time and Space, two fundamental things which many people lacked in particular Singapore's living"

Being thru around 2 decades of life, time and space (both tangible and intangible) keeps decreasing as life goes on. People are so caught up with work, schooling, commitements, that there is'nt time for family, friends, hobbies, interests and even for your ownself.

I think its very impt that people do reflect on lives, reflect on beliefs, reflect on environment around yourself. Its gives one a sense of existence that you are here in this world, this instant, this space.

Thinking of which there is always the old saying that goes there is always time for everything, its how you plan your time. The factual extent of this in modern world is slowly losing in solidity. We are always stuck in the same 24 hrs a day, but evolvement is always happening every single second because the world is fighting against time. The activities we are required of to execute for example piles up day in day out and it is always increasing as long evelovlement, advancement sustains. bit a by bit, we will soon find ourselves having no time and space for any other things crucial to life as this evolvement carries on.

So? Wat should we do one or many may ask. . . With so many variables and factors, it all boils down to your choices, your mindset, your character and oppotunities that presents themselves to allow one to stand and stare.

So ladies and gentlemen, stand and stare while you are able to. Stoning is good for the soul. And may we be better at perceiving our lives and setting paces right to lead your own life. . .